L-O-V-E

The omnipotent question which is probably why the earth keeps spinning on its axis, and why planets get added and chucked out from the solar system is probably this.. What is love? I tell you, that one question is a mega Multi Zillion Dollar Industry. Movies, ads, books, restaurants everything run on that. Ok, lets be more specific. Scoping men and women out. I bet my, um.... ok I am not a gambler, this post, that most dinners or lunches have conversations revolving around this question. Someone wants to figure someone out. Such conversations are passed on coffee, and food that gets pushed about the plate. Does he love me? Does she love me? Who knows mate? But this must be one of the most fun parts of a relationship that may go either downhill or uphill or might not start up at all. And how someone never knows the answers for themselves but do for everyone else.People meet the wrong people all the time.I came upon this book which talked about all that a guy would do when he 'is into you'. Well one, he will call. Five times a day. Or something like that. Now that would seriously infringe upon my life. Give me a break!! Five times a day?? "He will do what he said he will do unless there is a personal emergency". Like he says he will call you at something-o-clock, he should. Else he doesnt like you that much. Apparently in spite of demanding work schedules. Or a boss breathing down the neck. And several such things. As I went through the book, I saw that I couldnt agree with so many things in there. Give me science anyday, saying that a woman or a man can/cannot do this, this and that-this because of some nerve running somewhere, or some nerve that doesnt, easier to understand. And its amazing how so many magazines make money with this topic. And the 'try to understand him/her' phase is seriously tough and time consuming and frustrating. Look for clues people say. What clues? And then dont read too much into that. Be interested but be coy. Be busy but be available. Bleeeaarrgh.. Why cant things be simpler. One answer thats given. Men chase. And women like to be hunted. So when did we go back to the Stone Age? Hunters and Gatherers? So many centuries of evolution we talk about and we are talking primitive again. We all keep guessing. He said that. She did this. Damn he is rotten. Damn she is from hell. Why cant we be adults and sit across the table and finish it off and not put in so much energy into thinking unnecessarily? People dont be honest with someone else, because they dont want to put themselves in line. Tough thing there. At the end of the day. There is only one thing. Your life is your own. Your situations are your own. And when you choose to like someone you need to love yourself first. Understand yourself first. Know what you want. From yourself, from the other person and as a twosome. Sure things need not happen all the time. Looking for someone to complete you is probably not the answer. Everyone who loves Tom Cruise gushing that line, please forgive me. You need to be complete. You cant be incomplete and keep looking for someone to fill up that space. You need to be at peace with yourself. If you are expecting him/her to do something, dont keep it in and expect the thought to be conveyed telepathically. Speak it out and if the other person is comfortable, great. After a point in time, people will be pretty much tuned into one another to understand the other pretty well. Even then, somethings need to be said loud and clear. Dont confuse yourself and the other person. A relationship is not just hard work, its complete menial labour, and while you are at it, get in the gadgets and make things easier. You have the words, speak out. And having said all that, when a man says he is not monogamous, and he is not ready for commitment/marriage (usually means not with you)yeah, pretty much believe him, and when a woman says she is looking for a man with financial security, yeah, she might not settle for anything less. AND absolutely no one is worth endless heartache, or crying yourself to sleep. NO ONE. Period.

You Know You're Malaysian When...

You complain about the quality of the pirated DVD you just purchased. "What, RM10 for DVD5?! Aiyah, boss ... sound no good, cheaperlah ..."

You're willing to consume sambal petai and durian and gladly suffer the bloating and wind-breaking incidents.

You're exceedingly polite to the Mat Sallehs but you slag your own kind. "Hello, sir. Why don't you sit here, it?s got the best view of the city skyline." But, "Aunty-ah, your table is over there next to the kitchen."

You order Maggi goreng and fried chicken, complain about how oily the food is, and then proceed to finish it anyway.

You love to talk about food. You're already thinking about what to have for dinner while eating lunch. "I'm stuffed. What shall we have for dinner?"

You dive into a communal-style meal the moment the dish lands on the table only to hesitate at the last morsel of food on the serving dish. There are two possible explanations for this: the first is the pai seh (embarrassed) factor, while the other is the myth that the person who eats the last piece will be a spinster.

You hit the accelerator the moment the first drop of rain hits your windshield. "Alamak, it's going to rain. Sure traffic jam one. I'd better drive faster."

You seize the opportunity to make a U-turn anywhere ... especially where there is a sign telling you not to. Well, so long as the cops aren't in sight.

You feel a burning desire to send text messages and even have the gall to give your friend a blow-by-blow account of the movie to your friend on the handphone ? during the screening of the movie. "Okay, now that girl Lizzie is impersonating an Italian singer; she so doesn?t look Italian ..."

You forsake your loved ones for the all-important four letter-word: S-A-L-E. "Sorry, mum, I can't take you to Aunt Mary?s because I have to go to MidValley before the crowd." You?re also more than happy to be part of the insane traffic jam that forms around malls during weekends and sale periods.

Reality shows Akademi Fantasia and Malaysian Idol dictate your social life. "What, no TV at the mamak? Count me out ? I'm staying home. Rinie needs my support."

You pepper every sentence with lah. "No-lah, I can't see you today-lah. I have to study-lah. You know-lah, the prison warden aka mak is watching me like a hawk"

You fail to function normally without your daily dose of teh tarik and nasi lemak.

You have owned at least one Proton in your lifetime. Cheap, cheap. That is until you start to make enough dough to buy that Honda you've been salivating over.

You slow down at an accident site to take down the car number plate, but won't step out of your car to help ? the victim could be a robber!

You'd rather park your car along the main road outside the mall, where there's a yellow line, rather than pay RM1 to park inside where there are adequate bays.

You plead, bat your eyelids and relate a sob story to the officer at the town council office to let you off the hook (or reduce the amount considerably) for the fine you incurred when you parked your car on the double line.

You make an appointment for 10am and conveniently show up a half hour late ? Malaysian time, what ...

You pop open the wet tissue packet at the Chinese restaurant by squeezing the trapped air to the top of the packet before proceeding to smash your fist into it. The louder the pop the better.

You greet your friend / neighbor / acquaintance on the street with "How are things?" or "Have you eaten?" or better yet, by stating the obvious: "Went to market ah?"

Ramlee burger is the "piece de resistance" of your growing-up-years cuisine.

You catch all major televised events at the mamak.

You have roughly six meals a day (breakfast, mid-morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper). Then there's the snacking ? keropok ikan, pisang goreng, muruku, jam tarts and the like.

You get the whole family dressed to the nines, jump into the car and head for the minister's open house ? and ask for styrofoam boxes and plastic bags to tar pau food.

Your accent and language style vary according to the race of the person you are conversing with.

You've got a friendly disposition. Smiles are abundant and your "Apa khabar?" is warm and sincere.

You exclaim loudly how expensive everything is, even though the items may in fact be going for a steal. "Wah! So expensive, ah? Hak sei ngor (Scare me to death)!"

You dig deep into your pockets to contribute to the latest appeal for donations in the newspapers.

You "dis" our country all the time, but as soon as something good happens (like winning the Thomas Cup), you morph into a proud Malaysian.

You never travel abroad without a bottle of chilli sauce, or sachets which you can sneak into restaurants.

You're proud to be Malaysian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Malaysian friends!

I LOVE MALAYSIA!!! :)

WhY, What? WHere?..WHatever??

Who are we all?Where do we come from and where do we go? And what is all that we do in between? What is honesty, what are values?Why is that values are not the same everywhere?Is it really so easy for us to hurt someone without a thought?What is this whole kinda separation in the name of religion.Aren’t we cultivating hatred?Caste,Creed,Community. You wake up in the morning , breathe the air around you, what are we going to do during the day?Are we going to make someone happythat they knows us, or make them curse us with all their might with what we do to them?Why is jealousy and hatred all around? Is it really tough to love?To just be is it tough to be true children of god?To maintain the “clean state” of mind that we had when we were born?Or we were born with all this? When I look at someone, I usually wonder what is going on their minds about me.And I wonder if I had to stand apart and look at myself how would I look?How am I? What do I seem like?What is the impression that I am giving? Do I look stupid?Is it easy to hate and all that tough to love? Is there so much violence in us? What are we here for?What are we expected to do?What is humanity?Are we human at all?Or are we something else?Why can’t there be one world religion?And though people say it, why can’t it be brought to effect?Is it politics,or at the end of the day, doesn’t it boil to the stupidities of the human mind? And why is it that they aren’t too many of us who are comfortable staying alone? Is it because we can’t be alone with ourselves because we are too scary?Can we be happy in a room all by ourselves and with no one to converse with? What do we think of?Can we put thoughts on hold?Yes we can.or so I have read,Is it the thought-less state tough to reach.I read, that to get there, we should first let our thought whoosh by and look at them dispassionately.And then there are gaps between thoughts.Those are the gaps which will slowly become bigger and lead to the thought-less state. The power of the mind..its so written about…still the mind cannot be pinpointed on the anatomy.Psychology doesn’t acknowledge the presence of “mind”.Is it thebrain or is it the heart? Or is it the conscience?Or is the a stream? Does wish fulfillment exist?Somesay natural disasters are manifestations of wish fulfillment…IS IT TRUE? ARE diseases a manifestation of the mind?What is it to have it, what about the laws of karma? Does it mean that we are interefering in someone else’s karma to suffer? Sometimes when I stand infront of the mirror not to satisfy my vanity, but to maybe find out who is the person looking back at me? Can I morph into someone violent? Or can I morph into a saint? Who am I? Am I u? Or am I someone else?Are you me?Are we alone? Are we all pieces of whole? Then why is that we are happy at someone else’s downfall? What is the society? What is the environment if we aren’t the one creating,maintaining,shredding, piercing it again. Isn’t everything around us the way We want it to be?Then why are we always unhappy? And when do I get the answers to the “wity”? And sometimes, why should, why exist?
** Am really sorry for this post or should I say it as those thoughts pent up within me.Well,as what I always say, the only reason I don’t want to talk about them is because they don’t make any sense (ppl might think am INSANE!!!)**

Lies

Have you ever told a lie?No?Never? Well, that's definately a lie. All of us have told lies...starts out of these small "white" lies like "Yes ma, I fed the fish","Yes ma, I ironed my my uniform" and "Yes ma, I polished my shoes" which slowly convert into other lies like "Yes ma,I'm studying" when you are actually reading Harry Potter and the order Of the Phoenix and they become"Yes ma, I rocked my maths exam",when in truth the exam rocked you. Now ,when I've come out of the exam hell *sorry hall* ,I know i'll only score only around you-don't-want-to-know.Brilliant-I told my mother that I has expecting so and so. I had a feeling, like this great big rock that pops on the pitfalls of your stomach from the very heavens.The time of enlightment. The time of great realization.I wasn't telling lies, no sirree. Right now, I can't say anyting. My hands are just typing off their own accord. Listen. I know what I'm gonna tell you is beyond lameness, but then again, when you have done horribly in a test and don't want to tell your parents or when you've not really ironed your shirt or fed the fish or when you don't really feel like telling that really cool friend of yours that his swearing's a little overboard instead laughing or encouraging him/her. STICK TO THE TRUTH. I know what you are thinking right now. I sound like your dear mum, don't I? ok, don't listen to me... but don't say I didn't warn you when that great big heavy rock of truth bungee jumps in your stomach on your own day of enlightment.
Miserably yours,
kousalia

*sigh*

WHY DO I FEEL SO BAD?
So what if I was the last one to come to know about something momentous.
WHY AM I SO HURT?
So what if the person to whom it happened to is(was) someone I considered very close to me?
So what if I had to know of it through someone to else minutes before I was told by the person concerned?
WHY DO I FEEL SO LEFT OUT?
Like i'm not in the circle anymore? Was i Ever 'in' the 'circle'?
So what if the person concerned is feeling terrible for not having told me before?
Why should I forgive him?

I hate u!!!

I don't care whatever you say about me. I don't give too S*** about you.Your words draws blood without you realising it.Words can harm and heal,your words, killed me. I had enough! You are such a pain.Do you really think you can say whatever you want???You are giving me such a miserable life! What the hell are you thinking?It hurts.... You think you are Hot, sassy, cool???Let me tell you something *YOU ARE NOT, B****!...i hate u! U R THE MOST TERRIBLE PERSON on earth!!! and you know what I don't care about you.

*sorry,ppl...for this post. I had enough.I just wanted to write,type,scribble about what I felt! I'm angry with someone so..am really sorry for this post*