Let Go...

In a whirl of lethargy, where all I want is to be with myself, shut off the world and think. I want to escape into a grotto behind a babbling waterfall, where nothing can reach me.

I’m tired. Of pretending, of needing, of wanting, of being.

There’s nothing worse than being forced to do something that you don’t want to, and yet knowing in the back of your mind that you really ought to want it after all, but you don’t. It’s confusing, and coupled with some indeciseiveness, irritating people and useless reflection, it makes for a very tiresome cocktail of emotions indeed.

Sometimes, I don’t know who I’d get along with. Everyone is either too loud, too quiet, to distant, too near, too shrill, too pushy, too dominant, too submissive or entirely uninteresting. And oh, how fickle my self seems to be! One day, I’m in love with someone, the next, I’m trying as hard as I can to keep myself out of reach of the same person.

The world’s turned topsy-turvy, everything is falling apart, and I don’t know where I fit in anymore…or even whether I really want to.