Tuesday, February 19, 2008

People leave...

People leave. No matter how much you want to hang onto them, no matter how hard you try to make things work - sometimes, it’s just easier to let go. For both your sake and theirs.

It’s easy to sit down, long after a crisis moment has passed, and to wonder where things went wrong. Perhaps you asked for too much, or they expected too much of you. Perhaps what you thought you had was merely something that was transitory. Maybe you were on a different level than they were.

What’s inevitable is that, some people are destined to leave you. That’s the beauty of what you share with them, really they come into your life, like storms that are all noise and no substance. They create brief interludes of intense emotion, they burrow deep into the substratum of your existence, force you to reconsider yourself in a new light and teach you things you never knew you didn’t know. They leave you changed forever.

And then suddenly, one day, they’re gone.

You’ll miss them, maybe. For a while. Until it hits you that they were never really meant to last. That lingering too long would have soured everything.

At least this way, they leave your memories intact....

Sunday, February 17, 2008


HEY PPL!! Miss me? Newayz, I know its been quiet around here lately. I just wanted to reassure everyone that I’m still here, and will still continue to update this site. A lot has changed lately, much of which I’m not quite ready to talk about just yet, but I’ll update the site as soon as I’m able to.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

For all those lucky singles out there who are bemoaning their fate and contemplating drastic measures like asking someone out, stop right now and enjoy ur luck while u can! U never know when that dangerous armed madman with a grudge against humanity may strike you (Cupid, for the uninitiated) and transform you from a rational being to a delusional, mush spewing mental case who gets weird ideas. Its satan working under the guise of romantic gestures.

I mean, for gods sake, what kind of idiot turns up outside someones balcony at some ungodly hour like 11.30 p.m just because his girlfriend (with whom he has been talking utter nonsense for the past 3 hours instead of doing something productive and fun like sleeping) expressed a sudden, mad desire to see him?

And the whole cards-flowers-teddybear routine is soooo cliched! If ur gonna be dumb, atleast do it in style! Be original!

And those who are in relationships, act with a little more thought on how ur present actions might make u reconsider the state of ur sanity when u have become wiser someday and look back on all this. Worse, what are your grandchildren going to think of you??!!!

If ur gonna set relationship targets, make ur friends rue the day they decided u might not be such a bad person to hang out with, if you notice urself being magnetically attracted to the icky romantic comedies they put on tv from time to time as if to test our strength to endure crap, if the mills and boon kind of books seem suddenly very interesting, if you spend hours talking to yourself and have turned suddenly sickeningly giggly, well my friend u are suffering from moronitis. It is a deadly disease which afflicts those who are low on common sense and whose brains are filled with fluff. Even some normally sane people are known to be afflicted.So i now choose to spend my vacant hours(read: when i am mindlessly bored enough to write crap like this!) in compiling a list of the merits and advantages of being single. Anyone is welcome to add to it.

1) Your phone bill wont go through the roof due to the endless mindless hours spent talking about inane nonsense to your beloved. This is not meant to be taken as an insult to Mr.Graham Bell, whom as we all know is a great man who worked tirelessly to increase profits for the telephone companies.

2)You can hang out with whom u want for however long u want without having to worry about whether ur beloved would get offended by the company you keep due to the fact that ur present companions best friends ex-girlfriends cousins senior who dated ur beloveds neighbours daughters friend cheated on her(on the neighbours daughters friend).

3)You neednt give up a challenging and inspiring game with your friends after school coz ur gf wants to go watch the new romantic comedy in which Hugh Grant looks sooooooooo cute!! (Ugh!!)

4)Girls are not subjected to long boring mindless hours watching cricket or something equally lame with your guy coz he wants to spend time with you AND watch the all important match.You can switch off your cell phone and not give a damn about whether you are gonna miss an important call which may lead to a silly fight which goes something like "You were avoiding me!!" (teary voice) "No sweetie pie of course I wasnt, why would i do that?" "I know its all because of that new girl/boy in your tution class, the hot one from kl !!!"(teary dangerous voice) "Of course not, what gave you that idea?" "Oh you think i am stupid, i know u were talking to him/her for half an hour yesterday while u were waiting for your car!" (starting to smoke now) "Well, thats coz i was bored u know and i had nothing to do" "U should have thought about me or something! Why couldnt u do that? I am never good enough for you, am I? U dont love me!!!" (its gonna blowwww!!!!)

5)No need to use 'affectionate' nicknames which might make other sane people consider you with concern over your mental stability. A few of the most common are -------- snugglebum, sweetiepie, cutie, loverboy/girl, darling, angel, Goddess(not kidding about this one), chocofudge, honeybunny, poobear.......etc etcno need to change your unique personality and ur sense of dressing coz ur gf/bf doesnt like it and thinks that pink is definitely more your colour(barf barf puke puke) and tries to make u wear stuff like wat the backstreet boys wear or Mariah Carey.

ok this is getting a little too much for me. Will be back again with more stuff to add to the list and please feel free to add your own thoughts and ideas to the list!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Laws of L-o-v-e

Murphys law. My life it seems is here just to prove murphy right. For all the uninitiated, Murphys law is the best and most truthful piece of literature ever written. And his laws of love, every one of them apparently works on me!

1] all the good ones are taken :- Oh u bet they are! everytime you see the perfect guy/girl and go all over malaysia singing duets in your dreams a voice yells into your ear waking you up rudely saying "i am taken!" arrrgh! those horrible words! and if that person is not taken, there's a reason and an extremely miserable one!

2]The nicer someone is, the farther away h/she is away from you:- yup. either their taken or else they live on the other side of the arctic circle. You run into the perfect guy just as you are about to leave the city and move and yeah the perfect guy true to his perfection thinks long distance sucks!

3] The perfect formula Brains*Beauty*Availability= Constant Always. Availability is also a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else. I can vouch for this!and i dont think this needs any explanation anywhich ways. am sure all of you must have been through this atleast once!

4]NICE GUYS/GIRLS finish last! yes. and anyone who says otherwise is saying it to make you feel better or worse still to make you feel like shit!

5]If it seems too good to be true it probably is! This is true with anything in my life. All those times when you think you have found your prince charming, the one you want to spend your life with eventually cleaning each others dentures and biting into bread soaked with milk... something has to screw it up. something. anything.. everything. if you thought nothing could go wrong it still will because if it seems to good to be true it probably is not true ! :)
yes my friends, thats how it works! the entire system must have been designed by some devious scheming brain and someone so intelligent is probably taken too!
and for all of you who think this post is too cynical and murphy was a cynical old fooltry o'tooles commentary on the laws. its very simple it says


PS:- all said and done.. am still one of those old fools who believes in the power of love! god some people never change..!!sigh.. my prince charming is round the corner!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


I have everything I could possibly want, and I think I’m happy. But then, one day, I’m walking down the street and it hits me - I’m alone. We say so many things, we think we’ve got people we love, we think they love us too…but how much of this is real? How much of it really matters, and won’t disappear like wisps of mist in the early morning sunshine? I’ve got people who care, I’ve got it all - we spend so much time with each other, we tell each other things that strike us in the deepest layers of thought…

But I’m alone. There’s no one…I mean, I don’t even know why I feel alone.

They’re right here, real, alive, standing in front of me with those well-meaning looks on their faces, thinking they understand and know, but do they?

How much of what I say is what I really mean, how much of what they see is really me?

I’m terrified of being alone, but…I don’t know. I can’t understand feeling this way, I just do.

It just strikes me that I can’t count on anyone, can’t trust anyone…but myself.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Let Go...

In a whirl of lethargy, where all I want is to be with myself, shut off the world and think. I want to escape into a grotto behind a babbling waterfall, where nothing can reach me.

I’m tired. Of pretending, of needing, of wanting, of being.

There’s nothing worse than being forced to do something that you don’t want to, and yet knowing in the back of your mind that you really ought to want it after all, but you don’t. It’s confusing, and coupled with some indeciseiveness, irritating people and useless reflection, it makes for a very tiresome cocktail of emotions indeed.

Sometimes, I don’t know who I’d get along with. Everyone is either too loud, too quiet, to distant, too near, too shrill, too pushy, too dominant, too submissive or entirely uninteresting. And oh, how fickle my self seems to be! One day, I’m in love with someone, the next, I’m trying as hard as I can to keep myself out of reach of the same person.

The world’s turned topsy-turvy, everything is falling apart, and I don’t know where I fit in anymore…or even whether I really want to.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Far away

I want to go far away. I want to go so far away that I see nothing but the ocean all around me, little waves bobbing up and down, fish just beneath the surface, swimming away intp depths I can never see except in my nightmares. I want to get stone drunk, forget everything I’m sad, unhappy or angry about and fall into blissful, uninterrupted slumber that nothing can bring me out of. I want to talk for fourteen hours to someone, tell them everything about myself, even those deep dark things that no one knows about because I can hardly dare to think of them myself and hear everything about them in return.

I want to live for someone else - know in my heart that I will give them absolutely everything that they want simply because I love them so much. I want to know that someone cries for me. I want to be indifferent, to go through life not caring about anything or anyone not because I’m afraid to, but because I have no desire to. I want to walk alone for three hours by the sea, with nothing but myself and moonlight and music - and think about things no one has ever thought of before.

I want to cry myself to sleep over someone who loves me. I want to go a whole day without eating anything. I want to down five tequila shots, just to see what would happen. I want to catch up with an old forgotten friend and discover that we are still able to relate to each other. I want to be on a ship to nowhere.

I want to be inside the head of a mad person - to know what it feels like to have no control over oneself. To be unable to think coherently, to be unable to express my needs - to feel free, from everything.

I want to be terribly, painfully happy - to have a moment that I will never have again. I want one moment that I will remember forever.

I want to be able to die for someone.

I want - to not want.